I don’t remember what day of the week it was or even what time of day it was, all I thought about was my cancer.
I cried when I woke up, I cried throughout the day, I cried while I was trying to sleep. My eyes were so swollen from crying. The worst was sleeping. During the day I had TV to watch, and friends and family that kept me company. Going to bed made my mind wonder. My thoughts were awful. I would try to shut my eyes and then a thought would cross my mind. Like how does cancer travel to other places in your body. What area’s of the body does breast cancer travel too. Symptoms of those area’s. What are the survival rates. Treatments. You name it, I googled and researched it. I hated sleeping.
I was never hungry, I wasn’t thirsty, it was like I didn’t want anything to do with my body. I felt like if I ate or drank, it would feed the cancer, and the last thing I wanted was to fuel whatever was in my body. I was ashamed. I was afraid. The only thing that I could stomach eating was smoothies, thanks to Andrew. He always made sure I was eating and drinking, even if it was a couple smoothies a day.
That week I was a mess, I can’t even describe what I was going through. My emotions were everywhere and I was lost. I felt alone and the only way I could deal with it was to cry, and I mean really cry.
I was never given any information on breast cancer, not from my surgeon or family doctor. I don’t know if they knew I needed time to think about all this, but I wish they gave me something. The worst is researching things on your own, I mean I’m more then capable doing it, but I never found anything that made me feel like I was not alone.
So I turned to my own social media. I wrote a Facebook status, saying I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and that I’m looking for positive stories of anyone going through this or know’s of anyone going through this. I didn’t want to be ashamed or embarrassed anymore. I wanted to tell people that breast cancer can happen to anyone and at any age, and I wanted to hear good stories, positive stories, stories that made me happy.
The amount of people that reached out to me was astonishing. I felt so loved and so happy. People I haven’t talked to in years wrote to me, people I’ve never met but have mutual friends in common with, reached out to me. I was truly blown away. I had hundreds of good stories, positive stories with good outcomes. People were recommending what foods helped them, what vitamins helped, what oils helped, what exercises helped. I was so overwhelmed with how many people have gone through something like this. I cried reading there stories, I felt there pain and I felt there triumph. Reading all these stories made me feel like I was not alone, and that I needed to fight, and that I needed to do everything I possible could to come out on top!